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I’ll tell you what’s up.  Actually, I’ll tell you what’s down.  The Flat Earth Society finally took down their Christmas tree in their meeting room at Shipyard Cove Marina.  They hadn’t planned on taking it down until March or so, but the Fire Marshall happened to pass by, so it came down a little early.  It was time anyway, because the pile of discarded Christmas trees down by the shoreline had grown to include at least 20 trees, left there by local islanders for the Annual Christmas Tree Float.  It is not known exactly when the first Christmas Tree Float took place, but it was an established tradition by the Pig War era.  During that conflict, the American Camp and the British Camp were both located along the western shore of San Juan Island, which has a very strong current running along the shore between the armed campsites, alternating its flow north and south with the tide changes.   The Americans would decorate a Christmas tree, and set it afloat up to the British, who would use it for cannon practice.  Then, after the tide changed, the British would send a decorated tree back to the Americans, who in turn would use it for cannon practice.  On at least one occasion, the Redcoats sent a tree at night, lit with candles.  The tree drifted southward for a short distance, bumped up along the shoreline, exploded into flames, and lit a forest fire that threatened to burn down the British Camp.  The Americans helped put out the fire, and were treated to a wassail bowl or two.  Again, in the early 1920’s, a similarly equipped tree mostly deforested Speiden Island, whose south side is nearly barren of trees to this day.

Well, anyway, so the Flat Earth Society tree finally came down, and the geezers set to work equipping the pile of trees for the Float.   In order to keep the trees upright while floating, cement blocks, batteries and heavy boat parts were tied to the bases of each tree, and the trees were connected in a series with about 30’ of poly line between each.  Finally some lights were added to the lead tree.  Now this year, it was decided to use some of the new LED tree lights, which could be run with a small battery.  In past years there have been many difficulties with the lighting of the trees.  One year, the lead tree was lit with red lights, and was mistaken for the red lighted buoy at Turn Point, causing a drug smuggling boat to run aground.  Most years, the lights just don’t work.  This year, however, they worked quite well, maybe too well.

Well, anyway, the geezers got the trees all afloat, and after dinner, Arne towed the caravan of conifers into the main channel outside Friday Harbor, switched on the lights, and set them adrift to travel north and entertain our British friends (now known as Canucks).   The current was flowing towards Canada at about 3 knots, and the pine tree parade passed into Canada sometime about 10 pm.  The current then switched around, and the Christmas Tree Float (now officially known as a Bogey) passed southward across the US border at exactly 11:21 pm, as noted in the Duty Officer’s log book at the US Customs and Border Patrol Monitoring room in Bellingham, WA.  The Bogey was detected by the infrared and thermal imaging equipment installed at secret undisclosed locations on the islands along the border.  The trees had all bunched up together, and it turns out that the LED lights look maybe just a little like a warm human on the infrared and thermal imaging sensors.  And it turns out that the Christmas Tree Bogey was heading directly towards the secret location of the infrared and thermal imaging equipment.  The Duty Officer scrambled the USCG High Speed Intercept Boat at 11:41pm from the Bellingham Harbor.  By the time the 1200hp boat reached the scene, the Bogey was approaching the shoreline directly under the secret location of the equipment, and the Officer In Charge of the boat received permission to Flash Bang the Bogey.  It was dark, they were underway, maybe a bit nervous, and Flash Banged just a bit low.  The tinder-dry trees exploded into flame.  The USCG boat approached to try and quell the fire, but the boat wake forced the flaming float to shore, where it ignited some overhanging shore pines.  Back in the Bellingham US Customs and Border Patrol Monitoring room, the Officer on Duty watched the flames creep closer toward the infrared and thermal imaging sensors, and noted their failure at 11:58pm.  The San Juan County Fire Boat did not depart until 6:24am, when it was light enough to navigate, and found that the fire had been put out by an early morning shower.  It is not known who is responsible for this heinous attack, but an investigation is underway.  It may turn out that the Flat Earth Society will finally be classified as a Terrorist Organization, which, in my valued opinion, they have justly earned many times over.